I remembered one time you asked me to describe myself in a few words. I chose words like “clumsy” and “awkward” because that’s exactly what I am. You told me “no”, and I never understood that. In turn, I asked you what you would describe me as and you said “wonderful”. I’ve never heard you use that word before to describe anything or anyone.
Then I remembered one time when we realized we never had enough time to talk at school so you called me, and you just stayed on the phone with me, because I was alone at home and I heard peculiar noises…not necessarily talking but up until your dad got home, just to keep me company.
Then another time, I called you crying. I couldn’t even breathe from all the tears I was crying. I started the call in the basement and eventually lost the signal. It took us a few times but we got it. If I stopped crying for long enough, I would have heard you sing me the song you always promised you’d sing for me.
Sometimes when I think about you, these are the sort of moments I hang on to. Not this person, saturated with sleaze and vices, with a deficiency of self-esteem. For someone that has a horrible memory (both short term and long term), even these moments were a little too perfect to taint.